7, a mutiny against excess

This isn't a book review, I am not that cool. This is a review on something that is making a crazy impact in my life and I've only just begun reading it.

This summer...well this year really, I've been struggling with discontentment, jealousy, envy...blah blah blah. Nasty things really. I'm not proud of it at all, but yet...stuck.

So, the most amazing things have come across my path. First of all I have awesome community and friends around me who have encouraged and challenged me to get out of this funk and given me great avenues to do so. 

1. I read and went through Stuck, by Jennie Allen. It reminds me a lot of recovery ministries because it basically has you identify your idols and what draws you AWAY from God instead of stirring your affections for God. So awesome and I did this solo. I think it would be even more beneficial to do with a friend or group but I didn't get to do this this time around.

2. The sermon series going on at Watermark right now is INCREDIBLE. Its Power of God and has been on Grace and Prayer and rocked my socks off in a way that keeps me thinking about it all week. I love those.

3. I joined a book club. My first ever. This was exciting stuff to me as I have been wanting to do this since I graduated college 4.5 years ago. So I said yes to this book club and had NO idea what the book was....and it was 7, the mutiny against excess. I laughed out loud when I learned what this book was and also wanted to cry about the way God was loving me in the most kind and gracious way in this nasty season of my life. It actually amazed me when I stopped and felt what all was going on. When I wrote it in a list form. Man God loves me.

So I am reading this book and because of the book nerd I am, I will probably be finished with it by the end of this week and then re-read each chapter before book club. I love reading and once I start its really hard for me to stop. 

I am participating in some way with my book club each week. Jen Hatmaker, the author, made drastic changes in the categories of food, clothes, waste, spending, possessions, media and stress for 7 months, My book club is doing it in week chunks. I am on food week. This one isn't super huge for me because Officer and I take part in many extreme food fasting because we are both all or nothing people, which means we struggle with self control with food, which means we live most of the time with strict food perimeters. Otherwise we would choose to live off of donuts, ice cream, hot tamales and queso....really we would. That pretty much sums up our first year of marriage and my pregnancy with Fox...

But mostly this book is changing my thinking and I like it. When I threw out the half loaf of molded bread, or looked at my full closet or glanced at the homeless guy soliciting off the tollway, it yanked on my heart in each of these places in ways it never had before.

It also is showing me ways to have deep gratitude. I had dinner last night with my bestie from college. She was my roommate, dorm neighbor, bible study co-leader, and first accountability partner. I suddenly was again in sweet thankfulness for God's providence on my life. He put her across the hall from me (at random right?) and from their we sharpened each other through college. She went into full time ministry with her husband and we love hearing about the work they are doing. But it's incredible how God works. I wouldn't be where I am with out her and many other girls for that matter, but having dinner with her last night made me hear God's voice. "Dana, I've got this. I am working in ways you can't see. Won't you let me?"...seriously.

Yet...I am annoyed at what I don't have? Wow. I am praying right now God continually works on me as I read this book and shepherd my little fox. I have a life time of grace he has given me and how quickly I forget. 

Officer life wears on me more than I really like to admit. I get so entitled due to how hard we work, but this feeling. This list of God's goodness. WOW. It is causing me to be speechless. Its causing me to listen. Its moving me. 

All that to say, this probably is not the last you will hear of 7!

-an officer and a mrs.

Gratitude

I was having a moment.

You know the kind where your mind sneaks away from you. You know you are entertaining an idol that you shouldn't but you to tell yourself its ok.

I was looking at houses. Gah. Such a trap for me. But I said to my brain, I am just looking. We have a few sets of close friends looking, and looking with them or for them is no trouble for me, but as soon as I look at them for myself...trouble. I trick myself into all the reasons why we should get one, when reality shows its just not time. This type of thinking leads me to more "stuff" that I need.

Then, I felt sorry for myself. Valid. Craziness.

Then in my selfish, self-pitiful moment officer walks in with Starbucks. A hard day = Starbucks he says.  He then heads back out to his night full of work.


BAM.


The Lord humbles me so often in the way he tenderly shows me how I'm COMPLETELY missing the point.

And tonight, a tall decaf pike roast was the little blessing to remind me how I have SO much more than I need. HE has blessed me greatly.

#gratitude

On my heart...

Happy new year. I know I am really late.

This year has started off with a bang in our home. I have started to write so many posts but never publish them.

I have had so many things I have wanted to write about and yet couldn't find the words. I want this blog to be a place of honesty and real struggles...but its SO terrifying to put truth about yourself out there.

Over the past 6 months I have had so many conversations with people who see things on instagram or facebook and feel like someone else has it together and they don't. And as I sat on these thoughts I realize I too buy this lie.

This is when discontentment reared its ugly head in my life and has stuck around ever since. I have victory in it and then there are days when I fail miserably at it.

I focused on how hard I work, how tight things can be, the things I don't have and may never have.

In Dallas, and really most places, a house it a right. Its the next move. Its how you feel at home and settled. It is the B in A + B = C. So what happens if C comes before B? Lots of questions and concerns. If you have a house, that is awesome for you. It just has not been in the cards for us for a number of reasons and some times it causes me shame and fear that it never will be.

This isn't by any means the root of my discontentment. This is simply an example of a daily struggle.

But what I weed through all of the "stuff" the things that humbles the heck out of me, the things that bring tears to my ungrateful eyes are the things I have.

I get to trip on letter magnets on my kitchen floor. I get to find a box of tampons opened in the bathroom because they were used for princess wands.

I get to laugh out loud with my officer about the way fox says "thank you" as "shzoo shoo" or green as "GEEN!"

I get to wake up and sit on the couch and eat a "wapple" with my fox. I get to watch her huge imagination as she talks out conversations between mr. elephant, mr. horse and barbie.

I get to see our big family love our daugther and I get to see her love each of them.

I get to walk with each of them hand in hand in this incredible summer weather.

I get to hear my officer dream. Big dreams. This blesses my undreaming heart quite well. A fair amount of dreaming is good for the heart. I would never do it if not for him. I would be comfortable in average if not for his dreams.

So maybe we wake in an apartment, sit on an old couch and drive in an old car, its a great life...It really is. Its FULL. I go to sleep FULL when I let gratitude take over and block the discontentment monster out. This is really hard for me to do. I fail often, but I feel the Lord pressing into this. I feel this area of me needing to change so it doesn't rob me of my joy. I feel the desire to prove earthly success to those around me, and feel so incredibly disappointed when I can't meet this standard I have created.

So what does this all mean for me as an officer wife?

It can be hard. Really hard when you are looking at everyone but yourself. But everyone has something hard. Really hard sometimes. Yes, their spouse might be beside them at night to deal with it, but I have to focus on me. Not them. I have to focus on what I do have. And its a lot. Despite many things I don't like about this officer life, the Lord chose me to do it at this moment. May I drink deeply this life he ordained for me. Otherwise, what is the point?

This is one of my favorite blogs to be inspired by really raw honesty. So I am linking up with her sharing whats on her heart.

-an officer and a mrs.

School of Rox 15-18months

Woooh Fox. Talk about taking off these past three months. SLOW DOWN!

It is February 4th and here is where you stand:

20.5 pounds...I am confident we will cross the 20 pound threshold this month.
Size 3 diapers
12-18mon clothes (18 month length but width is 6-9 or 12 mon)
Running everywhere
Watching "Guppies" and "nimi" (Bubble Guppies and Finding Nemo)
"Ticccka Ticccka" everyone and everything
"Woooo" through the halls
Riding your bike
Being outside any and every chance you get
If mommy and daddy laugh at it you do it over and over!

Vocabulary:
Mommy
Daddy
Gu Gu
Bop
Poppy
Gammy (who you also call mimi)
Nimi (Nemo)
play
play toys
toys
k
Hey!!
Bye!!
Hi!!
Eat
Chicka (chicken)
baby
doll
kichen (kitchen)
one
two
go owside (outside)
wake!
cheese
uh oh (you usually say this when you poop. so funny)

Along with those regular words you repeat everything and you can identify purple and blue things and say purple and blue. Let me just say girl you are quite the girly girl. You learned these colors when Gu and mommy taught you using head bands. So funny!

You sleep 12-14 hours at night and take one nap that runs 1-2 hours. You are not a huge fan of naps and some days refuse.

You eat...well about 3 things. Mac and cheese as you call "cheese" and it isn't even the great kind since its dairy free. Chicken, oranges and this week you finally accepted some ham lunch meat! Victory. You are keeping mommy on her toes with creativity in the kitchen!

You are a sassy, independent leader. I know you are going to do great things love. That comes out more and more every day. I pray the Lord continues to show me how to model goodness and graciousness to you. Your boldness comes naturally. I like that. That is where we are a lot alike but we have to work on the grace part too. We have a lot of time to work on it!

Your daddy and I love playing with you! Thank you for being such a joy.